We learn as much from sorrow as from joy, as much from illness as from health, from handicap as from advantage and indeed perhaps more.
- Pearl S. Buck (1892 – 1973)
Have you learned from your breathing problems, or your kid’s?
I sure have.
Parenthood in general – and in my case, young and unplanned parenthood – has force-fed more lessons into me than I thought possible over the last decade. Throw the moderate-now-but-severe-when-AG-was-younger persistent asthma into the mix, and OH, THE LEARNING FUN. IT NEVER STOPS.
Under duress, because I am nothing if not stubborn, I’ve acquired patience for those parts of my life still on hold and still affected by the years home with AG, the humility that caring for young children and their body fluids and always putting yourself last requires, and more than anything else, gratitude for my own good health and my daughter’s well-maintained lungs.
What is asthma teaching you?
*I’ve learned that I shouldn’t complain about my minor aches and pains, when my son has never once complained about not being able to breathe.
*I’ve learned there are two ways of looking at each event and situation: Positively and negatively. Neither way will necessarily have an impact on the destination, but it may make a big difference in your journey.
*I’ve learned that, no matter how much I want, need and try to control most things, that I can only control a very small fraction of things. And even some of those things I am ‘controlling’ now are just temporary.
And each day brings something new!
I have learned and am still learning:
To speak up when something is not right for me.
To re-evaluate/adjust my expectations often. Sometimes daily.
That I am capable of more than I thought.
To picture myself in other peoples’ shoes before making assumptions.
I doubt I’d have learned any of these lessons if my health was perfect. Again, good question!!
That there are a lot of incredibly LOVELY and awesome people on the internet. I think that is the biggest and best thing I have learned from having asthma.
If it’s not the biggest and best thing, it’s my favourite thing; the rest of having asthma sucks hardcore.
Nah, it’s the biggest and best. I love you all, end of story.
Our asthma saga started when my oldest was 2 months old. She spent 12 days in PICU with RSV. That taught me that I CAN handle the unthinkable. Her hospitalization also showed me how to be an advocate for my child.
What I didn’t know was what her many ER trips taught me, that I wouldn’t use for A…but I use quite often for M.
M (who is MY AG) has taught me that I should listen to my instincts. That I may not know more than the doctor, but I know more about my daughter than the doctor does.
Dealing with her doctors has taught me not to be afraid to disagree with doctors, and not to be afraid to fire them if what they are doing isn’t working for us.
Asthma has taught me that I really CAN survive on no sleep for days (or weeks…years?) To accept help when I need it, and not to be afraid to ask for help. It’s taught me that there is no such thing as “just asthma”, it’s taught me not to underestimate it. It’s taught me that things aren’t always what they seem, and that little signs can be important, so I have to pay attention.
And like you have all said…that I’m really not in control of this ride…that expectations can be adjusted…even if we don’t like it.
Great topic.
Having a child with asthma has taught me never, never to take a healthy child for granted. Our son is having the longest stretch ever, EVER, of good health and good lungs (almost 5 months, and Winter months at that, without any big flare, no prednisone, and minimal ventolin) . Maybe he’s really outgrowing it, maybe we found the right meds, maybe it’s just a lovely break, but my husband and I acknowledge the blessing of a healthy child almost daily.
It has also made me appreciate the profound role of good health insurance — and how scary it must be to live with this disease without it.
Due to a rare asthma complication my AG found herself in a life threatening situation when she was 2. When she was in the hospital I remember looking out the window wishing that we could be “outside” doing our boring ‘ole regular routine. Since that scary week I have NEVER taken one day w/ my family for granted! I thank the Lord everyday for our “routine”. I love life…I love my family. I am not happy that this happened to my AG, but it sure taught me that every day is precious and a gift from God.
Giving up the idea of total control, asking for help, appreciating normalcy—YES, on all those. I always want to tell parents w/healthier kids who complain about boredom, “Don’t underestimate the value of normalcy.”
The biggest lesson I’ve learned is how important it is to participate in your own as well as your child’s health care. What a valuable lesson that has been.
Well said Sara!
Amy..on underestimating the value of normalcy…when the H1N1 vax came out…I had a friend who wanted to know how I “managed” to get my girls the vax…her daughter wasn’t eligible in the first few rounds…and my friend said “apparently, J is too HEALTHY” I’m sure she didn’t realize the tone or implication of her words…but all I could think was THANK GOD for that…thank GOD that your child is TOO HEALTHY to qualify for the vaccination. I don’t think she stopped to think that if my girls qualified…maybe, perhaps it meant that they (to put it in simple terms) are SICK ENOUGH to need it. I don’t think that parents of “chronically healthy” children take the time to appreciate the fact that their kids are healthy.
I agree! If we have to look for something good in our “sick” children….let us consider it a blessing that we do not take anything for granted. I consider myself to be more “wise” than some around me. It is amazing what trials can teach you. Oh, one of my pet peeves is when a “friend” says, “Gosh! That is horrible…I do not know WHAT I would do if it were MY child going through that” That drives me crazy!! Do people not realize what they are saying….one should build another up be positive and supportive! Again, I am so thankful for my AG and all that we have learned as a family together…the disease has also brought me closer to God and I live by faith and prayer. We give the Lord glory in all situations…even asthma.
I’ve learned in my somewhat short journey with asthma so far:
*to not take good/better breathing days for granted.
*how to keep a smile on my face even when I don’t feel my best.
to never give up.
*the importance of knowing about asthma and treatment so I can ask the right questions when I’m in the doctor’s office.
*to know my limits, but also know that I can do more than I sometimes think I can.
*how to see others who need something, a one-on-one talk, a hug, a listening ear, a shoulder to cry on, etc, because I am unable to do some things so have more time to see others’ needs and have a heart of compassion because I know what it’s like to suffer myself.
*that though asthma isn’t fun, I’ve met people and gotten to encourage others because I have it myself. This for me, makes it worthwhile to have asthma… not that I ever wanted to have it, but if I’m going to have it, I’d rather be able to help others through it.
I’m still learning, and I will be learning for the rest of my life…