Letter to All the Mamas

Dear Moms,

Let’s talk guilt.

Guilt when we get tired of worrying about our kids’ health all the time and guilt when we feel so tired of just being tired.

Guilt because deep down, even though we know – we know – we can’t blame ourselves for our kids’ breathing problems, we can’t help wondering sometimes, “Is it something I did while I was pregnant?”

“Is it something I didn’t do?”

Guilt because of these thoughts:

Why my kid?
(Not that we want it to be anyone else’s.)
Why my life?

Which lead directly to this question for moms with robust lungs like me:

Why am I whining?

I’m not the one who coughs until she gags or loses her voice or both, or who missed a friend’s slumber party a week ago in order to stay home and break the cycle of flaring.

Here’s the thing about guilt: we know better. We know asthma parenting takes a lot of work and a brave heart and a strong spirit, and it’s totally natural and understandable for frustration and self-pity to lurk beneath the steady surfaces we present to our kids. We know better, but unwarranted guilt sneaks up on us all the same.

Or maybe that’s just me.

Either way, listen up.

A message, direct from me to you:

You’re doing a phenomenal job.
I know you don’t always hear that, and it helps to hear it.
I appreciate your advocacy.
I appreciate the reading and research you do on behalf of your kids and that you come here to do some of it.
To those of you raising your asthma kids alone, I appreciate that, too.

I think you’re all amazing. Happy early Mother’s Day.

Love,
Asthma Mom

22 responses to “Letter to All the Mamas”

  1. Sara C. says:

    thanks…I needed this today (see my blog) (and I think you’re pretty phenomenal too)

  2. kerri says:

    i love you, Asthma Moms :-) . All of ya. You’re the bestest,
    And all of what Amy wrote is true. You give everything you can, all the time. And I love you all for that, and your kids are going to be better off for it, too :-)

    Happy Mothers Day, Asthma Moms! :-)

  3. Sarah says:

    Yeah, agreed! I’ve said it before, and I’ll say it again: My parents did a great job just being on their toes enough to keep me alive. They’re made of sterner stuff than me, since I have trouble managing my own health. I couldn’t imagine managing a child’s, too.

    Asthma moms are great.

  4. Samantha says:

    Thank you, thank you, a thousand times thank you. I really needed this right now. It can be .. just so MUCH, all the time.
    Just me. and her. and asthma. all the time, every day. and i had some drama from her useless non involved biological.. so yeah this is what i needed to hear

  5. Amy says:

    I feel like we should get two days, don’t you? Basically, a whole Mother’s Day Weekend.

    And actually, Kerri & Sarah, I think people living with asthma are pretty incredible, too. Anything that feels hard to me physically, for you guys it’s harder. My kid impresses me every single day. You’re amazing, too! We’re all amazing! Presents for everyone!

  6. Sarah says:

    I completely agree with Amy – I’ll take it one step further, and say it would be a long weekend too!

  7. Samantha says:

    I’d totally vote for that. Mothers Day for the moms, and a long mothers day weekend for all the asthma-moms (and any other moms of chronically ill/disabled kiddos too)
    And yep, I admire the asthmatic adults out there too… we moms do a lot and deserve recognition for sure, but living through it day by day? yeah that takes some serious strength too

  8. Kelley says:

    Samantha: I totally understand. It sucks when they decide to just throw drama our way; because, you know, it’s not like we have anything else to deal with!
    Thank you Amy. It helps to hear.

  9. Samantha says:

    Kelley
    Aint that the truth.. like i have nothing else on my plate… cause working, college, and 2 kids, one with asthma, isnt ENOUGH work lol

  10. Allison says:

    Ah guilt. I have to admit that I seem to have a few buttons that get pushed by well-meaning friends who suggest all sorts of diets, supplements, alternatives to corticosteriods, who suggest that maybe too many vaccines were the cause, etc. I guess deep down it makes me feel like I’m not doing the right things and if only I changed my asthma kids diet, did things differently when pregnant or when he was a baby, was a BETTER MOM that it would make his asthma go away. But then I snap out of it and remember that any guilt I feel doesn’t make me feel half as crappy as he feels when he’s flaring. Then I feel more guilt. Aaagh.

    Mother’s Day is extra special in our house this year as it falls on my son’s birthday. So a party for him and a potluck for all the moms is on the agenda.

    But you know one of the best things about raising a kid with asthma is that it made me realize I could handle a whole lot more as a parent than I thought I could. As a result, we’re about to bring home a beautiful two-year old boy from China who has a chronic illness. It will certainly be challenging in a all sorts of different ways, but I feel confident that my husband and I can do (are doing) the research, find the resources, advocate, not freak out, and just deal. And find more blogs like this one!

    Happy Mother’s Day to all!

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